Swings and Roundabouts
by Bridlin
Summary: Post Watershed so spoilers galore. "Whatever you decide" - he was taking himself out of the equation. She'd ruined what they had and she wasn't going to get a chance to fix it. They weren't going to talk about where they were going because he'd had enough of clawing and scratching his way through to her and now he was breaking up with her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and, sadly, never will be. **

Swings and Roundabouts

Chapter 1

'_I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, our relationship. What we have. Where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more.'_ Castle kept his eyes on the park ahead, the calm of his voice chilling Kate as she studied the stern line of his jaw.

'_I agree._'

'_So whatever happens, whatever you decide…'_

Kate swallowed, her jaw working to fight back tears. "Whatever _you _decide" - he was taking himself out of the equation. She'd ruined what they had and she wasn't going to get a chance to fix it. They weren't going to talk about where they were going because he'd had enough of clawing and scratching his way through to her and now he was breaking up with her.

'_Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?' _

Kate's breath caught in her chest as he dropped to one knee by the swing, his face drifting out of focus as her eyes were drawn to the stunning diamond ring he was holding. Her hand floated towards it as if under its own volition and she had to consciously pull it back, placing it on her chest in what she recognised was a dramatic gesture but one she had no power to control. She exhaled, unaware that she'd been holding her breath.

She dragged her eyes back to his face, as serious as she'd ever seen it. When she'd phoned Castle and said that they needed to talk she'd expected a difficult conversation, anger, shouting, her own tears, maybe even his. She had never imagined that within minutes of arriving in the playground he'd be kneeling in front of her offering her marriage.

'Ca… Ca…' She struggled to get out his name. He offered no help, made no effort to fill the silence the way he usually did. He simply stayed there on one knee, holding the ring tightly, his eyes not wavering from hers. She tried again.

'I… I don't know what to say,' she gasped.

'Yes would be good.' There was no quiver of humour in his voice and she noticed the slight tremor of his hand and the fear in his eyes. She reached out to take his hand in both of hers.

'Castle, can we talk about this?' She watched as his eyes darkened with disappointment before the lids shut her out.

He felt his chin wobble with emotion. She was turning him down. He'd known that it was risky. That was why he'd kept the ring in his safe for the past four months. Marriage was the ultimate commitment, a massive step for Katherine Beckett with all her complex emotional baggage; a massive step for him with his two previous failures to haunt him.

'Castle?' Her voice was tentative and she squeezed his hand. 'I'm not saying no. I just think we should talk first.'

He opened his eyes and she smiled at him with misty eyes. It was, he realised, the first time in days he's seen her really smile and his lips twitched up in automatic reply.

'Did she say yes?' a wavering female voice shouted.

'I don't know. I can't hear with you shouting in my ear.'

They looked up to see an elderly couple standing a few feet away staring at them. Castle grinned as Kate blushed and he stood, taking her with him, covering her hands with his free one.

'I think she said yes,' the old man bellowed at his wife.

He turned to Castle, 'Kiss her then. It's not hard. We've been doing it for sixty years.' And he pulled the old lady to him and kissed her firmly before they both turned expectantly to them.

'We'd better give them what they want before we have the whole park gathering round,' Castle said and Kate's blush deepened she looked shyly up at him. He smiled down at her before tipping her chin up and kissing her lightly on the lips.

'Ha! Is that the best you can do? You'd better get more practice,' the old lady said, lacing her arm through her husband's.

As they turned to continue with their walk the man looked back and winked. 'Good luck, kids. It's the great adventure.'

Kate hands were still wrapped around Castle's hand. She released him and looked down at the ring.

'Would you hold on to that for me for a little while?' She asked, glancing up at him through her lashes.

'Sure. For now,' he said, taking a blue velvet box from his pocket and carefully placing the ring inside before dropping it back in his pocket.

'Can we go home now, Castle?'

Home. That sounded good. Not your place or mine. Just home. He nodded.

'Did you drive?' she asked.

'No. I don't have the necessary NYPD magic to park wherever I like on Manhattan,' he said, falling into step beside her. He had a light-headed feeling that he recognised as hope. She hadn't said yes but she definitely hadn't said no. "Hold on to that _for me". _ Those were her words. As if acknowledging that the ring belonged to her and that she would be claiming it soon.

'Did you get anything useful off the laptop?' Castle asked as Kate joined the flow of cars heading uptown.

'Yeah. It was the key to finding the killer. Thanks to you.'

'Much as I would like to take all the credit, you would have found that laptop without me.'

'Maybe,' she acknowledged, 'but it would have taken me longer. That's what makes us so great. We're better together.' She glanced at him before returning her attention to the road.

She filled him in on the case as she negotiated Manhattan traffic, a tacit agreement between them that a car wasn't the place for the discussion they needed to have. As he listened, he sent a text to his mother asking her to make herself scarce. The last thing they needed right now was Martha's freely given advice – as useful as it could be on occasion.

**Oh my! AM has done it again. Will Kate say yes? It's going to be a long summer. So, while we're waiting to find out Kate's answer, this is a little taster of what my imagination is saying to me. Let me know if you want more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your enthusiastic response to this story. You wanted more so I'm giving you more.**

Kate felt the strain of the silence growing between them as she watched Castle pour coffee into two cups. Richard Castle had actually asked her to marry him and she hadn't answered. No, she'd said they should talk about it. Well, that was really jumping in the deep end for two people who never talked about their relationship. She hoped that they'd bob back up and not sink to the bottom of the pool. Her restless hands worked at each other and she absently stroked her ring finger with her thumb as she followed his progress to the table. He sat opposite her. It made sense - they could see each other this way - but the table seemed like a vast barrier between them.

She chewed her lip as she twisted the cup around in front of her and she knew he was waiting for her to speak.

'I got the job, Castle.'

He simply nodded. 'I knew you would. It's good to know that the FBI aren't stupid. Well, not all the time. It's a fantastic opportunity. Have you decided whether to take it?'

'You think I should?'

'I think you should make the decision that is right for you.'

'Thank you, but I've realised that I'm not in this alone. I should have talked to you before I agreed to go for that interview. I'm sorry.'

He shook his head. 'We'd never talked about where we're headed. What this means.'

She let her eyes drift to the window as she thought about his words.

'I talked to my dad.'

'Good. What did he say?'

'He said I needed to be sure that I was choosing what I really wanted for the right reasons.'

'And?'

'I told him that I wanted the job.'

'Right. DC it is then.'

'You'd come with me?' She looked up quickly to meet his gaze.

'If you'll have me.' He paused and she chewed her lip nervously, feeling the weight of the pressure to answer his proposal but he lightened the load with a flick of his eyebrows.

'I think there's great material to be found in our nation's capital for a new series of novels about political intrigue.'

'Hmm. Interesting. Maybe Agent Shaw could become your muse.'

'What a great idea. A smart female FBI agent with all the coolest gadgets, juggling her challenging job with her family life.'

'So you're ready to abandon Nikki Heat?' She narrowed her eyes at him.

'I could relocate her to Washington.'

She took a sip of the still steaming liquid. 'Well, I'd never cope in DC without your coffee.'

'You won't have to.'

She smiled at him. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For not making this an impossible decision.'

'So, you'll take it.' It wasn't a question.

'No.'

'No? Kate…' He sounded exasperated and she had to let out a little laugh.

'I didn't know you were so desperate to move to DC.'

'I'm with your dad on this, Kate. You need to make your decision for the right reasons, not because… not because of what you think I want.'

She reached her hand out toward him, not touching but resting it on the table, bridging the gap between them.

'My dad said something else. He said that I hide in my work when I get scared and he's right. So, I got to thinking about what I really want and why this job is so appealing and I worked some stuff out. The job would consume my life, just like it used to be consumed by being a homicide detective. I wouldn't have time for anything or anyone else.' She closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. 'It would be easy to let myself be submerged in work again, to put my life on hold but I don't want that any longer. I want more, Rick. You've taught me that there's more.' She took a shaky breath and he reached out, separating her fingers to push his into the gaps.

'So I decided that I'm not going to take the job and even when I thought you were breaking up with me…'

'You thought I was dumping you?' His voice rose an octave in disbelief.

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears at the thought and she sniffed before continuing.

'Even then, I knew it was the right decision. A job alone isn't enough. I want a relationship. I want there to be an us.' She clutched his fingers and he turned his hand to firmly grasp hers.

'Are you sure about this, Kate? I don't want you to regret this later and hate me because…'

'That's not going to happen, Castle. I don't have to choose between you and DC but I do have to choose between two jobs and two life styles. I don't want to be thousand of miles away from you, phoning up to say goodnight to our…' She stopped herself before she said more. 'I'm a really good homicide detective. I love what I do and it matters. I'm staying in New York.'

'And I respect your decision. But I want you to know that if you ever get another opportunity like this…'

'I'll talk to you about it before I do anything.' She smiled at him and was awed by the tenderness in his eyes as they crinkled in response. She looked down before continuing.

'So, I've told you about my decision. You made a pretty big one yourself in the last couple of days. Want to tell me about that?' She circled her thumb on the back of his hand.

He said nothing for a full minute and she stole a glance up at him to find his attention riveted on their interlinked hands. He hadn't expected to have to explain why he'd proposed but it was, he realised, the right thing to do. She knew he loved her. Now he needed to tell her why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

'When I found out about the interview, I was angry, Kate.'

'Really? I didn't notice.'

'Ha! At first I just blamed you but then my mother decided to give me the benefit of her advice. Isn't it amazing how sage parents can be?' He looked up and she grinned, her eyes widening for a moment as her brows jumped up and down.

'My mother frequently surprises me with her astute insights and she forced me to think about why it was my fault too.'

'Castle…' she interrupted. He lifted his hand to silence her.

'Every time you tried to talk about where we were going, I avoided it. So I had to ask myself why.'

'Did you answer yourself?'

'I did. I was scared, Kate. I was terrified of spooking you. I thought if I told you what I wanted, you'd run. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you so it was easier just to carry on in our bubble. Because we were having fun.'

'Yeah, we were,' she agreed, quietly.

'So, this job was a actually a good thing because it meant I had to confront the reality of our relationship and take the leap into the unknown to find out if you want the same thing as me. You're right, we are an extraordinary team. Not just at work but it every way. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So,' he reached into his pocket and pulled out the blue box and put it on the table beside their united hands, 'will you let me be your one and done?'

**Many thanks for the reviews and follows. Reviews are the best motivators so please keep them coming.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kate eyed the box as though it were an unexploded bomb sitting on the table between them. She had a lot of experience with bombs and none at all with engagement rings. He dad was right; she always ended relationships before they got to this stage but she'd never had any regrets. Even when Will had gone to Boston without her, the dominant feeling was relief. Nobody had offered a ring before and she wouldn't have been tempted if they had. But Castle? He was different. Ridiculously, irritatingly, wonderfully different. She took a shaky breath and sat back and he echoed her body language, their hands drawing apart in the process.

'One and done? Do you remember every word I say?' Kate asked.

'Most of them. When I remember to listen.'

'Ha!' She let out a bark of laughter and glanced up at him. The fear she'd seen in his eyes in the park was back and she smiled softly because even now, when he was scared she'd reject him, he was making her laugh. Humour was his coping mechanism and it was one of the many things that she loved about him. She'd laughed more since she'd met him than she had in all the years that had come before and the last year had been full of joy.

She sat forward again, her hand sliding back across the table so that her middle finger was a hairsbreadth away from the box.

'But I wouldn't be your one and done,' she whispered.

He put both muscular forearms on the table and when she looked up his face was just inches away. She felt like his eyes were searing into her, compelling her to believe him. She didn't retreat, allowing herself to drink in the earnestness and love on his face.

'No. That's true. I've had two trial runs. But you know some of the best drivers don't pass their test first time. They learn from their mistakes and do better. I crashed on my first two tries. A fundamental error; I married the wrong women. If I'd known you were going to be my future… So, no. Not my one Kate but definitely my done. Someone wise once said to me that maybe third time's a charm.'

She smiled. 'Using my words against me again?'

'Not against you. For us.' He dropped his head to one side and crinkled his eyes at her and she was tempted just to grab him and kiss him but there was something she needed to know. She sat back a little but kept her hand on the table, letting her finger edge forward to touch the soft velvet top of the box. She maintained eye contact, determined to see the truth when he answered.

'Castle, would you have proposed if the job offer hadn't come up? Honestly,' she asked quietly.

'Honestly?' he shook his head slowly. 'No. Not yet.'

Kate took a deep breath and started to withdraw her hand but he covered it and the ring with his own.

'I needed a kick to the butt to give me the courage. What would happen if you said no? What will happen if you reject me? I love you, Kate, more than I've ever loved any woman. The thought of losing you… So, when I bought this ring four months ago…'

She clenched her hand over the box at his words.

'Four months ago?'

He nodded. 'Right after Christmas. You may remember, I didn't get you a gift. So, I went looking for a suitable present in Cartier and I saw this ring but the cut of the solitaire wasn't quite right so it took them a few weeks to get the right one and that was good because it gave me a chance to measure your finger…'

'You measured my finger? When? How?'

'It was really hard. I had to wait until you were asleep and then I slipped some string around your finger but you kept waking up. I took me five attempts…' As he talked he mimed creeping up with his hands and carefully wrapping string around her finger.

She rolled her eyes and guffawed with laughter at his act.

'And did you measure it correctly?' she asked still laughing.

'I don't know yet,' he said, his voice suddenly as seductive as liquid chocolate. Why didn't other men realise that there was nothing as hot as humour?

Kate's eyes tracked from his eyes to his mouth and back again and she licked her own lips in anticipation as she pulled her hand away from under his taking the box with her. She stood up, weighing it in her hand as she walked towards the windows and their view of the Manhattan skyline. When she turned he was right behind her and his height and the breath of his shoulders momentarily overwhelmed her. How could he be such a girl sometimes but also all man? She handed the box back to him and his face fell. She stood on tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

'Third time's a charm, Castle.' She dropped down and turned sparkling eyes up to him and watched his face transform as her meaning hit him. He removed the ring and placed the box onto the coffee table and then lowered himself to one knee.

'Katherine Houghton Beckett, marry me.' This time she didn't hesitate.

'Yes, please.' She held out her left hand and he slipped the ring onto her third finger before getting up to kiss her tenderly. As he pulled her into a tight hug, she wound her arms around his neck and rested her head on his broad chest. This was where she wanted to be. No job could ever be as rewarding as the feel of his arms around her. She kissed his chin.

'Good job. I think the lady in the park would be impressed.'

'Mrs Johnson?'

'You know her?'

'She was a secret agent in East Germany. That's how she met Mr Johnson. He was being traded for three Soviet spies on the bridge. She knew he was the man for her if he was worth three of them.'

'You just made that up.'

'I did. Never seen her before in my life. But just in case we meet them again, we better get in some practice so she doesn't use her ninja skills on me.' He covered her mouth with his again, teasing her lips with his tongue until they let him in.

Her lips still locked to his, she raised her hand from his shoulder to steal a glance at her ring.

'Wow! It's beautiful, Rick,' she mumbled into is mouth.

He twisted her eyes to look at her hand.

'Does it fit?'.

'Perfectly.'

'And you like it?'

'I love it!' She pulled back to look up at him. 'And I love you, Richard Castle.'

**Hope you enjoy this and you're happy with the ending. It's an obvious place to finish but I'm tempted to explore how they tell their friends and family and have some fun with post-engagement discussions. I might do that as a follow up story. ****Let me know what you think.**


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